Friday, September 20, 2013

The Lost Gospel of the Republicans

And when Jesus came down from the mountain, he saw many people assembled there. The disciples asked him, 'What should we do? For there are many people and they are hungry.'

And Jesus replied, "Say to them that their hunger is their own fault; I have come to wash away the sins of the world, but I do not provide any earthly goods or healing. If these people desired to work for me and my new empire, it would improve their souls; I will offer them a wage only slightly less than is necessary to provide for their families, with the promise that if they work hard, most of them will rise out of poverty. But if any should gather together with their extra money, like a nation blessed with massive wealth, and decide to feed these poor people, I will disband them and take their funds away. Instead I will invest their money in a massive army, for it is imperative for my new empire to defend itself, with the sword, against any who disagree with me."

And the people rose up, revolted against this Jesus, and called him a false prophet.

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